In eighth grade I remember so clearly sitting in math class with a test on my desk and wanting to scream because when I looked at the test I didn’t even know where to start. How was it that I could do the homework,  but when the test was placed in front of me I froze.  

I felt like that in school more times than I care to admit. I have never been the smartest student in my class, never the one to get all A’s, or understand everything that I was being taught. I could not focus or stay on task for the life of me, so I tried to compensate by being funny or at least trying to be. Outside of school I got it, I understood how to talk and interact with people and could be considered a social butterfly. But in school there was something that didn’t click, until eighth grade when I was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (ADD).

Having ADD is not like having a life threatening disorder. Nothing changed overnight, but now I had a reason why I had trouble focusing. Before being diagnosed I genuinely thought of myself as dumb. I had always compared myself to my friends and thought that I was the one that was stupid and was missing something. When I found out that I had ADD it showed me that I wasn’t dumb, I just couldn’t focus and didn’t understand things as fast as everyone else or in the same way. Then I started to understand that trying to be like everyone else when it came to school and grades was not realistic. Because ADD effects the way I learn, I was going to have to work and study a harder to get the grades I wanted. It is a tedious task to study twice as hard as everyone, but it was worth it when I got my grades back. I felt like I had worked hard and earned those grades.

In middle school I was embarrassed to tell people that I had ADD. I thought that people would look down on me and think I was dumb. In eighth grade it can be scary to be different that your peers. Looking back on it I realize how ridiculous I was being. No one actually cared that I had ADD, no one treated me any differently.

I now accept that I may not be the smartest kid in my class, but that does not mean I am dumb, or that I can’t try to be the smartest kid. I have changed in a lot of ways from that little girl in eighth grade. I have become much more confident in myself and have the desire to go and fight for what I want. I realize I may have to work harder to achieve my goals than my fellow students, but that’s okay. I have learned that I must be an advocate for myself. If I do not understand something, it is no one’s responsibility but my own to seek help. Having ADD has taught me that if there is something I want to do I can still achieve it, I will just have to focus and try harder to achieve my goals.